Nothing stings like satire. Writing in response to our StreetsPDX and southest Portland’s sidewalk problem post, “Young SW Advocate-in-Training” brought some comic relief, and maybe even thrust a dagger or two into the heart of some zombie tropes about southwest that just won’t die. In training as an advocate? I’d say sitting on the knee of Jonathan Swift.
Here’s what Young SW Advocate-in-Training had to say:
As a parent and a resident of SW Portland, I was heartened to read about PBOT’s new Safer In Cars Initiative. Formerly the Safe Streets Initiative, this new direction will be better aligned with our existing infrastructure, our current transportation investments, and our society’s values.
Let’s face it, in SW Portland, it’s not safe to have your children walk or bike anywhere. Our kids belong in the back seat of our car. The benefits are immense. First, driving in a car is a much healthier option than walking or biking once you consider SW Portland’s lack of sidewalks and the inertial difference between a four-year old and an Amazon delivery truck. Second, sidewalk infill projects that encourage active transportation are not good for the environment due to the negative impacts of increased storm water. Third, the future is digital, getting kids outside could mean an awkward face to face social interaction. This only slows their progress in developing digital relationships from the safety of their own homes (or back seats of our cars!). And finally, reducing or altogether eliminating sidewalk infill projects can help bridge the $500M funding gap for critical and more beneficial projects like the I-5 Rose Quarter project so we can get people back to their Southwest Washington tax havens 5 minutes quicker.
Our children are our future. Let’s invest in them. We don’t even have to teach them. They learn directly from us through the examples that we set. We can do this!
/s
Thank you Young Advocate, and also you deep divers in the rest of the thread. Where else on internet can you have a relatively civil discussion about land use and transportation?
